I want you to stop what you're doing and ask yourself an important question: If some dark, powerful entity was attempting to ensnare your mind and dominate your will, would you even notice?
A competent devil would know that if he revealed his true nature, you'd resist, or seek help. The ideal possession would be more subtle; to you, it would feel like it was your choice. The takeover of your soul would be soothing, satisfying, maybe even kind of fun. An entity armed with such techniques would ensnare millions before anyone caught on.
In possibly related news, Dave, John and Amy hear from a panicked mother that a popular toy and its connected smartphone app are demanding flesh from her daughter. Around the world, other owners of the toy are reporting the same. Who, or what, is behind it? What's their endgame? And why does this mother seem to be harboring dark secrets about her family's past?
As these three barely-employed amateurs dig for the truth under layers of high-tech occult manipulation and subterfuge, another crucial question lingers: Is there seriously no one else who can handle this?
The long-awaited fourth book in the New York Times bestselling John Dies at the End series, another terrifying and hilarious tale of almost-Armageddon at the hands of two hopeless heroes.
It's the story "They" don't want you to read.
Though, to be fair, "They" are probably right about this one. To quote the Bible, "Learning the truth can be like loosening a necktie, only to realize it was the only thing keeping your head attached." No, don't put the book back on the shelf -- it is now your duty to purchase it to prevent others from reading it. Yes, it works with e-books, too, I don't have time to explain how.
While investigating a fairly straightforward case of a shape-shifting interdimensional child predator, Dave, John and Amy realized there might actually be something weird going on. Together, they navigate a diabolically convoluted maze of illusions, lies, and their own incompetence in an attempt to uncover a terrible truth they -- like you -- would be better off not knowing.
Your first impulse will be to think that a story this gruesome -- and, to be frank, stupid -- cannot possibly be true. That is precisely the reaction "They" are hoping for.
John Dies at the End's "smart take on fear manages to tap into readers' existential dread on one page, then have them laughing the next" (Publishers Weekly) and This Book is Full of Spiders was "unlike any other book of the genre" (Washington Post). Now, New York Times bestselling author David Wong is back with What the Hell Did I Just Read, the third installment of this black-humored thriller series.
From David Wong, the writer of the cult sensation John Dies at the End, comes another terrifying and hilarious tale of almost Armageddon at the hands of two hopeless heroes.
Warning: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR.
You will dismiss this as ridiculous fear-mongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fear-mongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection -- the creature stimulates skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That's just as well, since the "cure" involves learning what a chainsaw tastes like. You can't feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You won't even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed.
Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I'm just the messenger. Even if I did sort of cause it. Either way, I won't hold it against you if you're upset. I know that's just the spider talking.
"Like an episode of AMC's "The Walking Dead" written by Douglas Adams of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." …Imagine a mentally ill narrator describing the zombie apocalypse while drunk, and the end result is unlike any other book of the genre. Seriously, dude, touch it and read it." –Washington Post
"Kevin Smith's Clerks meets H.P. Lovecraft in this exceptional thriller… David Wong (Jason Pargin) is a fantastic author with a supernatural talent for humor. If you want a poignant, laugh-out-loud funny, disturbing, ridiculous, self-aware, socially relevant horror novel than This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It is the one and only book for you." –SF Signal